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Communication is extremely important in a marriage. If you can’t talk to one another then your marriage won’t grow. We all know that men and women communicate differently. Women, we talk a lot about everything including our feelings and men…well, not so much. Men are straightforward and problem solvers. Women want to have a conversation to share a problem, talk about our emotions and share stories of our day. Because of this, communicating intimately with your spouse can be hard and pushed to the side. I felt my marriage was great, I’m just flying along and then BAM! out of nowhere I got hit with a surprise. It was a doozy. I’m not going to go into it right now but from this experience my whole outlook on my marriage changed. What do you do when you think everything is going well but the other person has a different perspective?
This may never had happened to me had I had better communication in my marriage. I’m not saying Aaron and I never talked, we did and a lot, we just weren’t getting intimate with our talking. You know, talking about the tough subjects like finances, wants, needs, desires, etc… It often seems like it’s never a good time for such discussions, which is why setting aside a specific day and time is essential. From this bump in the road my husband and I decided to sit down on a weekly basis and talk. We set time aside every Sunday evening to talk and answer questions.
We have two young kids and all our time was being devoted to them. When they finally went to bed all I wanted to do was sit on the couch, watch a show, and unwind before I went to bed. When I brought this up to Aaron I felt funny about it. I thought it was strange that I had to schedule a time to “talk” to my own husband. I felt like I was scheduling a business meeting. To my surprise it didn’t feel like a meeting, everything flowed and we had great conversation.
I bought a notebook that is only used for our questions. We have questions that we discuss on a weekly basis as well as a few we discuss monthly. We take about 15-20 minutes to get through the questions. When we do our monthly questions it does take more time as that discussion is generally more in depth and emotional. These are the questions we answer weekly:
- What made you happy this week?
- What was something that was difficult this week?
- What is one thing I can do for you in the coming week?
- How can I pray for you this week?
- Is there anything that has gone unsaid, confessions, or hurt?
We have three more questions that we answer monthly:
- How have we been good stewards of our finances? What do we need to change?
- How is our sex life?
- What’s a desire that has been on your mind?
Your questions may be the same or different. You may also change your questions along the way. This is your time together, make the most of it and don’t rush through it. For this exercise to be effective make it a safe place to talk with no judgement.
Here are some bible verses that youbmay want to review before you sit down to have your weekly time together. They are good reminders about communicating.
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”
Psalm 141:3 “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”
Colossians 4:6 “A fool takes no place in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.” Proverbs 18:2 “And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32
These are verses to remember before entering in to your conversation. You may want to pray together before and after to ask God to protect your marriage and bless the time you are spending together. I put the verses into a pdf file so you can print them and put them somewhere you can easily access. Communication Bible Verses
When & Where to Have the Meeting
Have your time alone with each other when it will be uninterrupted. For my husband and I that time is after the kids have been put to bed. With busy schedules it could be hard to find the quiet alone time. Here are some ideas of where to have your meeting?
- at the kitchen table
- on the couch
- outside under the stars
- in the car (when it’s just the two of you)
What to have with you
- notepad (you’ll want to write down the answers so you can look back at it)
- each other
- open mind
- listening ears
After having our scheduled time for a few weeks I noticed a big difference in our marriage. It was nice to be talking, really talking to my husband again. We were close again like we were before we had our children. We both look forward to our Sunday night talk.
If you need more help here is a link to a great great product called Reclaim Your Marriage Workbook. If you wish you would go on dates again, be more intimate, more easily talk about money, and not feel disconnected from one another then Reclaim Your Marriage was created for you. This truly is a great product and I would not promote it if I didn’t believe in it.
Do you find it difficult to talk to your spouse? Do you designate alone time with your spouse? I would love to hear what you are doing, what works. Marriage is difficult, we can all learn from one another.